


Tall Orders, Small Shoulders

by heondreds



Category: MCND (Band)
Genre: Confusion, Feelings, First Kiss, Light Angst, M/M, Underage Kissing, impure thoughts, light fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-16
Updated: 2020-11-16
Packaged: 2021-03-10 06:34:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27588932
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heondreds/pseuds/heondreds
Summary: Junhyuk asks Seongjun to be his first kiss.“Haven’t you already had your first kiss?”Junhyuk tilts his head, frowning at Seongjun. “No?”
Relationships: Bang Junhyuk | Win/Son Seongjun | Castle J
Comments: 15
Kudos: 51





	Tall Orders, Small Shoulders

**Author's Note:**

> this is almost all cute, except for some uh impure thoughts 😇

“I’ve been thinking about it,” Junhyuk says, appearing in the doorway. Seongjun looks up from his laptop, knocks his headphones down around his neck. There’s a little pinch between Junhyuk’s eyebrows as he says, “I think we should kiss.”

Seongjun blinks. “What?”

“Listen.” Junhyuk holds his hands up, stepping into the room. “It makes sense, I swear. I’ve never kissed anyone before, and there aren’t many opportunities for me to do it anymore, since I’m an idol now. So, if I want to do it, which I do, me and you is the best option. It’s a good idea, hyung, honest. We should do it, today. Now. I mean, when else am I gonna get my first kiss?”

He’s standing tall, laying it out, weirdly sensible and mature in that way that only children can be, his voice colored with false bravado, a stern tone so the adult will take him seriously.

Seongjun is mostly confused.

“Haven’t you already had your first kiss?”

Junhyuk tilts his head, frowning at Seongjun. “No?”

“Yechan, didn’t you-”

“Ew, no!” Junhyuk shrieks, maturity dropped in a second.

Seongjun raises an eyebrow. “There’s a video.”

“No, that wasn’t a kiss, hyung, not a _kiss_ kiss.” He looks genuinely a little distressed, nose wrinkled. “That was like how my mom kissed me when I was a kid, don’t be gross.”

 _You’re still a kid_ , Seongjun thinks, but nods instead, placating. “Alright, sure, that doesn’t count. You haven’t had your first kiss.”

Then the rest of what Junhyuk said finishes processing in his head, and he starts to think about _that_ part, the _‘me and you’_ part of it. He tries not to look too uncomfortable as he asks, “What about one of the kids from school? You can’t do it with one of them?”

“Well I can’t date, not easily, you know that. And I wouldn’t want to just... kiss a random classmate. I’d be too scared, like, what if I’m not good at it and they tell someone about it? Then I’ll be the bad-kisser idol, I can’t be that.”

That’s a little worst-case scenario, but it’s fair reasoning. It doesn’t explain why it has to be _Seongjun_ instead, though. “Why can’t you do it with Huijun?”

Junhyuk sighs. “We can’t be each other’s first kiss, that’s...” He scrunches up his nose again. “That’s- no. we’re friends.”

 _We’re friends too_ , Seongjun wants to say. He can’t quite explain why he doesn’t.

“How do you know it would be his first kiss?”

Junhyuk gives him a look.

“Do you think Huijun has kissed anyone?”

“He’s handsome, why not?” Seongjun counters. He’s pretty sure Huijun _has_ kissed someone before (and he’s _pretty_ sure that someone was Minjae, too), but he can’t prove it - and besides, Junhyuk has already made up his mind. Huijun isn’t an option, there’s no use arguing.

“Whatever,” Junhyuk says, with a very teenage sort of shrug. “But I know _you’ve_ kissed someone before, hyung.”

And yes he has, in fact, but that doesn’t help him here. He’s not too sure what’s going on, truthfully - not too sure what he’s doing. Asking questions has always been the best way to help Junhyuk with his problems, because answering them forces him to reflect on his thoughts, explain his logic. Usually it creates gaps in his plans, little holes Seongjun can pry into and pull out what Junhyuk is really thinking, what he really wants. But this idea seems pretty rigid, so far. He _has_ already thought it through, just like he said. Seongjun doesn’t appear to be getting anywhere.

Not that he knows _where_ he’s trying to get, exactly. He supposes he’s curious, mostly, how Junhyuk has put so much thought into _this_. This is a whole new side of him. His desire to have a first kiss is something he’s never discussed before, never even hinted at. It’s normal, Seongjun knows, and he doesn’t hold it against him, of course not. He wants to help Junhyuk, he always does, but he’s not quite sure what exactly is the best way to help him here.

And Seongjun realizes he still hasn’t said no, yet. And a few moments later, with a jagged tug somewhere in his stomach, realizes he doesn’t _want_ to say no. But he doesn’t quite want to say yes, either. He wants to change Junhyuk’s mind, guide him into thinking it’s a bad idea instead, make him retract the offer so Seongjun doesn’t have to deal with it.

So he grabs at the biggest issue floating in his mind. “You should be kissing someone your own age, Junhyuk.”

“It doesn’t make any difference.”

Now it’s Seongjun’s turn to give him a look.

Junhyuk shrinks back, just a little, the way he always does when Seongjun gives him that particular look, but he recovers quickly, standing tall again - even if his voice is now a little higher. “It’s nothing _serious_ , so it doesn’t need to be with someone my age. Like, it’s not dating or a relationship or anything, it’s just a kiss.” He pauses, bites his lip for a second before continuing, “Plus, it’ll probably be easier if it’s with someone more experienced.”

There’s a blush coloring the tops of his ears now. Seongjun thinks he probably doesn’t look any better. Since when has his little Junhyuk been thinking about things like this?

“And you kiss me all the time anyway,” Junhyuk says with an air of finality, folding his arms across his chest like he’s already won the discussion.

But Seongjun sputters, caught between a laugh and an indignant sort of squawk at the younger’s assertion. Sure, he’s kissed Junhyuk on the cheek many times before, but not _like that_. Not _like this_.

Junhyuk’s expression falters, confidence giving way to bare nerves at Seongjun’s reaction. The arms crossed over his chest start to look more like a hug, like reassurance to himself rather than outward assertion, seeking comfort instead of demonstrating power. It’s cute. He’s cute, always has been. And he’s always trusted Seongjun, always listened to him, looked up to him.

“Why me?” Seongjun asks. He’s starting to think he might know the answer.

“Why not you?”

There’s a whole tangled bundle of reasons why not - so many that Seongjun struggles to tease just one apart.

“Why would it be different? Not just another mom kiss?”

Junhyuk’s answer is immediate, certain. “Because it would be with you.”

Seongjun feels a little short on breath. Is that an answer? Is that _the_ answer, the one Seongjun expected? It’s complicated, a very heavy statement - so much suggested, hinted, implied, but so little actually said.

He looks at Junhyuk, studies his face to try and discern the meaning behind those weighted words. He’s always been good at reading the younger, but this whole encounter has been unfamiliar, cryptic so far. He has to make an effort to see what this Junhyuk is thinking, for once.

Junhyuk holds his stare, confidence creeping back as the seconds tick on, growing bolder. It’s probably defiance that’s giving him strength now, more than anything else. A desire to prove himself to Seongjun, to prove Seongjun wrong about this. _This is a good idea_ , Seongjun reads on the younger’s face. _Trust me._

“Okay,” Seongjun finds himself saying.

Junhyuk’s whole expression changes, eyes widening, features softening. He doesn’t gasp, but it’s close. “Really?”

Seongjun is already standing up from his desk, pulling the headphones from around his neck. “Better me than some random person, right?”

Stuck in his mind is the thought, _even better someone you actually love, than me_ , but he holds those words back as hard as he can. He can’t say that now, doesn’t want to let that out in case Junhyuk has a response, a counter to that as well. In case Seongjun’s suspicion is correct. _But hyung, I **do**_ -

Junhyuk rushes to take a seat on the couch to the side, unaware of the tightness growing in Seongjun’s chest.

“Right,” he agrees with a giddy sort of smile. “It’s better that it’s you. I told you it was a good idea.”

He seems excited, if not a little more nervous now that this is really happening. He looks cute, young, and Seongjun ignores the twist in his stomach as he shuffles toward Junhyuk, taking a seat next to him.

It’s Seongjun’s first time kissing a boy. He’s kissed girls, a few times, but the whole _‘liking boys too’_ part is still new to him, new enough that he hasn’t explored it yet. Not that he would have anyway, even if he’d figured it out sooner - like Junhyuk said, he wouldn’t want anything getting out.

So it’s a boy, and it’s Junhyuk, _Win_ , the maknae, his baby brother. It’s weird, but not weird enough to stop. Junhyuk pulls his feet up onto the cushions, spinning to face Seongjun. Seongjun follows his lead, shuffles so they’re both sitting cross-legged, knees touching.

“Ready?” Seongjun says. Junhyuk nods, a little too energetic, betraying his nerves, but he’s still genuine, eager. He still wants this. Junhyuk’s not going to back out, so Seongjun steels himself. He’s not going to back out either. “Okay.”

He puts his hand on Junhyuk’s cheek because he knows it will shake otherwise. Junhyuk’s skin is soft under his palm, pillowy, warm from his blush. Seongjun leans in close, slowly, breath catching. His nose brushes against Junhyuk’s.

“Close your eyes,” he says, hushed, and it’s only when Junhyuk complies, eyes almost squeezed shut, that he tilts his head, aligns their mouths, and kisses him.

It’s a simple kiss. Just lips, pressure light, sweet and innocent, but it sets Seongjun’s heart racing anyway, pulse loud in his ears. He can’t unpack it right now, what that feeling is - whether it’s pure nerves, the pressure of being someone’s first kiss, the worry that he’s messing up in more ways than one - or maybe it’s positive, just a typical reaction to kissing anyone, to kissing a boy.

Or god, whether it’s _Junhyuk_ , the fact that he’s kissing _Junhyuk_ and he likes it. He really likes it.

Junhyuk seems to like it too. He makes a little sound, barely even a hum as their lips touch, but Seongjun hears it anyway, files that little sound away somewhere. If Junhyuk is surprised, by the sensation, by what kissing is and what it feels like, he doesn’t show it. And he adapts quickly - it’s only a few seconds of stillness, of Seongjun waiting for the younger to adjust before Junhyuk starts to move his lips softly, alternating the pressure. It’s nice, so sweet. Seongjun’s cheeks feel hot, definitely blushing too now at just how nice it is, how nice it is to be kissing their maknae.

Junhyuk’s hand grabs onto Seongjun’s knee, where their crossed legs are nudged together, and uses it as leverage to get just a little closer, press just a little harder. It’s nothing, but the touch brings an image to Seongjun’s mind of Junhyuk getting closer still, a flash of what it would be like to feel the weight of the younger in his lap as they kiss, to lay his hands on his waist, his hips instead. It makes him wonder what would happen if they deepened the kiss, if he teased Junhyuk’s mouth open, what would he taste like-

Seongjun snaps back to reality, quickly pushing those thoughts down with a sharp sting somewhere deep in his stomach. Those are dangerous thoughts. That’s not what this is, that’s not what they’re doing, it isn’t. None of that happens. The kiss stays chaste, simple. They don’t get any closer, and neither of them open their mouths. They wouldn’t dare.

It’s nice, but with nowhere to go, eventually they pull apart - Seongjun first, moving back slowly, watching as Junhyuk’s eyes flicker back open, expression just a little dazed. He drops his hand from Junhyuk’s cheek, lays it on his shoulder instead.

“Well?” Seongjun asks, voice a little hoarser than he might have wanted.

Junhyuk licks his lips, and Seongjun very deliberately doesn’t watch. Junhyuk considers the question seriously, gives the answer the time it needs, before he nods, firm and decisive.

“Good,” he says. “It was good. I liked it.”

“That’s good,” Seongjun says, relief and _something else_ jostling around inside him. “Okay for a first kiss?”

Junhyuk grins. “Maybe the best one ever.”

Seongjun huffs. “There’s no way that’s true.”

“Best one for me, then. I might never have a better kiss.”

“Shut up,” Seongjun groans, shoving at Junhyuk’s shoulder before he lets himself flop back on the couch, bent over the arm, head lolling off the end. He flings one of his arms over his eyes, takes a deep breath to try and slow his heartbeat. He can still feel Junhyuk’s hand on his knee, squeezing gently.

“I’m serious hyung, it was really good. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. Is it all out of your system now? Obsessing over your first kiss, no more? You’re done?”

Junhyuk hums in response, usually a content noise but there’s an edge to the tone of it this time, something non-committal. Unsure. It’s not what Seongjun expected, so he lifts his head a little, peers out under his arm at Junhyuk still sitting on the couch. He looks like he has something more he wants to say, mouth twitching as he worries at the skin behind his lips. It’s Junhyuk-code for _‘I want to ask but I’m too afraid’_. Seongjun knows him so well.

And sometimes, Seongjun knows him _too_ well. He watches the way Junhyuk’s gaze drops, how his fingers twitch against the cushions. He knows what Junhyuk wants to ask.

_Can we do it again?_

Seongjun is bracing for it, mind scrambling to prepare an answer, the _right_ answer for him, rushing to figure out what he wants to do, if he _really_ wants to, whether he _should_ -

But Junhyuk makes a different decision. He breaks out into a smile, the same handsome one he gives to the staff noonas, to the camera. It’s cute, but it’s a mask. A deflection. Words forgotten, _never mind_.

“I’ll let you get back to whatever you were doing, hyung,” he says instead. “Thank you so much, again.”

Maybe Junhyuk is more mature than Seongjun gives him credit for. Maybe he makes better decisions than Seongjun ever expected.

“It’s fine, Junhyuk. No problem.”

And Junhyuk climbs off the couch, gets up so casually, so easily, like nothing happened. He shoots Seongjun another handsome smile when he reaches the door, another tight disguise, then he closes the door gently behind him as he leaves.

Seongjun lies there, for a few moments more, rigidly ignoring his thumping heart, the slight tingle still on his lips. But there’s still that thought chasing him around his head that he can’t shake, still stuck on what Junhyuk could have said. _Can we do it again?_

He sighs, that sting deep in his stomach not going away any time soon. He doesn’t know what he would have answered.

**Author's Note:**

> [my cc](https://curiouscat.me/heondreds)


End file.
